MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM IT!!!

i'm dating... with the andri 'cock-up'.. after 5 freaking years.. finally opened up for this guy.. i put picked him out of effendy.. a well off guy (stable) and matured guy.. till now, i'm asking myself, did i pick andri from the 'voice within me' or mind??? i'm so screwed...

why is it, everytime, i'm with andri, he didn't appear... and when i'm all alone.. i'm thinking of him still... those midnight movies on a scrambler.. i make andri picked a scrambler out of a race bike.. am i having a 'rebound'??? must i make him like 'him'??

i'm just evil, self centred and selfish.. but what can i do???